Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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