dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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