Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
