I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Randomize
