i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
