how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I forgot wine drunk hurts
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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