apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
