Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
