This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
