So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
