I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
We named our party play list daddy issues
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
