I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
