Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize