If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
This couple is walking their pig around campus
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
