you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
