i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
