Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
