so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
