Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry xGJOx hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(310): View more from California

it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.

Fav 30 10906 1334
share tweet
(256): View more from Alabama

In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.

Fav 6 1677 916
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(612): View more from Minnesota

Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.

Fav 7 1380 835
share tweet
(207): View more from Maine

Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.

(1-207): View more from Maine

They want yo temporarily sterile ass.

Fav 9 1748 737
share tweet
(540): View more from Virginia

I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...

Fav 3 824 1208
share tweet
(831): View more from California

Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline

Fav 9 727 1375
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(262): View more from Wisconsin

You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.

Fav 3 1694 606
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(970): View more from Colorado

The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.

Fav 1 161 103
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(306): View more from Saskatchewan

Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?

Fav 0 31 32
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT