He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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