I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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