I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
