how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Watching her eat just hurts me
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
We're too hungover to prance.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
