if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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