So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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