just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
