I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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