i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
