Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
