Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
A+ Viking dick
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
