the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
