i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize