i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
