I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
FUCK WHALES
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
