He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
