we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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