I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
