Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
