you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
