her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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