Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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