Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
