Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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