Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
