i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
