Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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