Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
How naked do you want me to be?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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