Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize