i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Randomize
