I hate your face
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
