I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
