Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
