I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
