OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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