I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
