I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
