oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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