Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
