Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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