just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
