dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
