so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
