this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
