tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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