Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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