every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize