I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
