it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
