you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
