I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Randomize
