mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I think my moral compass just broke
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
