Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
