He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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