I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
