Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Randomize